Intuition: How trusting my gut saved my life
By: Gina Lawson
I could hear muffled voices as I woke up, groggily in the morning with an anxious pit in my stomach. My eyes barely open, with blurred vision, straining to hear what my husband was saying downstairs. The voices stopped and as I slowly rose from the bed I could hear my husband's footsteps getting closer.
He arrived in the bedroom, sullenly, to tell me he just got off of the phone with the surgeon and that, yes, the biopsy came back positive for malignant breast cancer. The anxiety pierced my heart like an arrow and dropped to the depths of my soul. Hopelessness and despair set in and my life flashed before my eyes with uncertainty and bleakness for my future.
Although I knew before he stepped foot in the room what the result was, it was painful. I had known the truth all along.
A slurry of emotions set in as I got up and tried to pick out which emotion was the most tolerable. The onslaught of medical appointments would be exhausting. I felt numb, but more than that, relieved that I had a diagnosis. We knew what it was and now it was onto the battle.
I was traumatized that what I felt to be correct was dismissed and no one believed me. I wish I was wrong about this, but I was right and it would take me so long just to get over that. The anxiety I felt throughout this process, waiting in waiting rooms, was maddening. I wanted to jump out of my body.
Recent studies have shown that women’s bodies have not been studied as much as we’ve previously thought. Historically, Men have been over-studied, though our bodies have differences, and quite often, women’s health issues are not taken seriously by the medical community and are oftentimes dismissed. Our society now has the revelation that we need to remedy this disparity and catch up on women’s health).
Not once did a doctor order a test or biopsy (but then again, I didn’t ask for one, I put my trust in them, believing that if they examined me and they thought I needed it, they would tell me).
At one point, I asked one of my surgeon’s at a routine exam if he was worried about the concerning-looking lesion breakout on my chest that was spreading and he simply said: “no.” Meanwhile, the “rash” wasn’t healing; it wasn’t going away and it was spreading to the left side of my chest. It had now been months after it started. I continued to have the nagging feeling deep within that I had to be sure this wasn’t cancer.
Finally, I contacted a Nurse Practitioner I connected with who was my radiation Nurse Practitioner. She listened to me and asked me to come into the office. She took photos of the lesions on my chest and contacted my oncological surgeon (who before I had contacted, and nurses intervened with recommending Benadryl cream). Upon viewing the photos, my breast surgeon requested I come in for a biopsy and it came back positive. They determined I had stage 4 metastatic breast cancer.
Intuition operates largely on a subconscious level, allowing individuals to make decisions or form judgments without conscious reasoning. This process is often based on the brain’s ability to quickly recognize patterns and draw on past experiences, emotions, and knowledge. Research has shown that intuitive decision-making can be just as accurate, and sometimes more efficient, than decisions made through deliberate analysis, especially in situations requiring quick responses or when dealing with complex information.
In my younger years, I often ignored my inner voice when making decisions like choosing a romantic partner and taking others advice, (even though I had a clear, knowing deep down of my own correct advice). I had this idea that someone else’s choice or advice, although different than my own, was better. I didn’t trust my own knowledge. Growing up I had a family dynamic where I didn’t have a voice and my thoughts and ideas were often dismissed. A lot of times I would either ask for other’s advice and choose their opinion over mine or sometimes I would override a negative feeling. The times I did trust myself proved to be correct. Although this was the case, I didn’t pay attention to that detail until much later in life. As I got older, I practiced listening to my intuition more. Slowly, I began to trust that inner voice. I found that I am right more often than not.
Intuition is not just a random sensation; it is a compass that leads you to what resonates with your authentic self, a valuable tool that becomes more powerful with increased experience. It is similar to having an internal GPS system inside of you that guides you towards the right path, even if it may not be logical to others. At times, it is simply a slight sensation, an inexplicable pull, or a feeling of knowing without understanding the reason, and sometimes you might need to really tune in to hear it. At other times, it's a noisy, undeniable desire that is impossible to resist. Indeed, it requires bravery to pursue it, particularly in the face of skepticism from others or when the future direction is uncertain.
It's been a long arduous battle, but my healing process is that I'm stubborn. I refuse to back down. I may be emotional and sensitive, but I am determined to overcome. I am resilient. I try to be positive when I can and I allow myself to release frustration and negative feelings when needed. I also give myself compassion and try to make myself happy with things that make me happy from big things like trips to far away places when time and money permit to small joys like a cappuccino in a Sailor Moon cup. I look for gratitude where I can find it and I know that it can always be worse and that many people do have it worse. I listen to the feelings that emerge from my body. I hone in on my intuition of what my body needs mentally and physically - I do what feels right. I trust in the universe, that if it comes to it, we'll figure it out.
