Positive Mind-Set in the Face of Metastatic Breast Cancer
By Gina Lawson
How do you have a positive mind-set when facing cancer, let alone metastatic cancer?
Before I get into what I do to help myself, I'll provide a brief of my cancer diagnosis. I first found a lump in my right breast in 2016 at the age of 33 during my second trimester of my first and only pregnancy. After some back and forth, I was finally diagnosed in early 2017 with Stage 3 HER2+ breast cancer. I quickly had a lumpectomy and 2 rounds of chemotherapy. They induced me at 36 weeks of pregnancy to deliver my healthy baby boy and then continue with my chemo, targeted therapy, a bilateral mastectomy with tissue expanders and radiation. In early 2018, my doctors said that I completed my chemo and stopped treatment. It only took 3 months, until I noticed red lesions appearing on my chest, starting on my right breast and spreading to the left. I brought this up to my doctors and they thought it was a rash, and/or effects from radiation. By this time, it was October and I finished radiation in April the previous year. Eventually, and after months of searching for answers, I had a biopsy in late 2018 (this was after reconstructive surgery that Fall mind you) and was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. The cancer had gone into my skin, which is considered an organ. This had all taken place at a leading hospital of the world: Johns Hopkins. At this point, I didn't trust that institution any longer and decided to switch to University of Maryland Medical Center. The journey was again a long one: I had to remove the reconstructive implants, start 6 weeks of Proton therapy going twice a day every day for six weeks, as well as having heat therapy. I also started targeted therapy of Kadcyla (the next step in chemo for what I had). Now I am on Phesgo, an injection in the thigh once every three weeks indefinitely. I have not re-attempted reconstruction surgery.
I can't speak for everyone, but these are some things that work for me that maybe can help others too:
Keep the normalcy as much as possible and keep doing the things you love (your health permitting). Even the food and drinks you love; I don't deny myself the things that make me happy in moderation. My perspective is that I could have a completely clean diet and my cancer could still get worse for whatever reason. There's genetics, environmental factors; a lot of it we can't control. An example, is singer/song writer Sheryl Crow, who was the epitome of health and was diagnosed with breast cancer. There are people who get lung cancer who don't smoke (I'm not advising for smoking), and there are people who get cancer who don't drink any alcohol. I'm just saying, don't deprive yourself of joy and take joy in the small things. Have that ice cream sundae, or peach bellini, because in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter; if something is going to happen, it's going to happen regardless.
Try to de-stress your life as much as possible that you can control or have the ability to change. My philosophy is that, while I'm still here on this earth, I'm not going to stress (or at least try to have the least amount of stress that I possibly can). If your career or job is causing extra stress and you are dreading it and you want to focus more on yourself, your family and your health and you have a partner or spouse that can support you - or you can apply for disability, do it, even if it's temporary. Your health is first priority and anyone can understand that, and even if they don't, who cares, this is you, not them. This is your life, not theirs. Stress can be one of the biggest causes of illness and de-stresses (easier said than done, I know) is the best thing you can do for your mind and body if at all possible. I know we all have are own stresses and there are extenuating circumstances that can't be helped or you are in between a rock and a hard place but if you can, take an inventory of your life and see where you can cut back or move things around, and the biggest of all - ask for help. Accept the help from anyone that offers it and even if they don't, ask them anyway. If they can't move onto the next, and don't feel bad for asking for help- this is your life here, and you are trying to help yourself- don't feel selfish! In this case, it's okay to be selfish. Especially if you have kids, you can't help them or anyone unless you help yourself first. I like to think of that airplane mask analogy, where the flight attendants tell you to place your mask on first before helping anyone else and that is true in life.
Along with asking for help, apply or have someone (or a hospital coordinator) to apply to cancer foundations, like the Pink Fund, for assistance for anything from monetary funds, bill pays, transportation, a day of beauty, trips, wigs, etc. You'd be surprised at how many applications will be approved. It's for people like you, and you deserve it.
Lean on your true friends and family and cut out the toxic ones. You will find out who your true friends are during this time and the ones that don't stick around - don't sweat it - it's less stress for you. Cutting out the toxicity will be better in the long run for your overall health.
Have gratitude for what you do have. In my case, I know that it could always be worse. There are people out there with cancer way worse off than me - that can't get out of bed, etc. I know this and am thankful for the many blessings in my life and things can change in the matter of seconds so I enjoy the time I have, although it's not easy. I am thankful for many things in my life.
Take those trips, go on adventures, travel, have girls' nights. Doing these things make me feel like I am really living life. I take trips with my family, with friends and even some by myself. I get to out of home environment and out of my head, see and learn about the world. It's cliche, but YOLO!
Have a "we'll figure it out" mentality with anything, especially with your healthcare and get your healthcare team to adopt that philosophy with you. If a challenge or a setback comes up, don't think it's the end. Think, we'll figure this out and take all the necessary steps to get to your goal.
Treat yourself. Another cliche that's true, at least in my case: look good, feel good. Get massages, facials, etc. if it makes you feel good. When I had no hair, I would find inexpensive wigs and I had a ton - I made it fun. I had many different looks and just went with it, when else could I sport so many different hair colors and hairstyles in my life time? I tried to make the best of it.
This one may be controversial, but I try not to focus on my cancer so much because it gave me more anxiety. So I stopped searching online and I didn't really join many cancer support groups because I didn't want to talk about cancer so much. For me sometimes ignorance is bliss and I didn't want to focus too much on cancer and try to live a normal life as much as possible. I joined maybe a couple Facebook groups but I muted them and hardly go on except to help answer peoples' questions from time to time. Though if support groups are for you, and that would help you, then I say go for it.
Anyway, I hope these things can help you or someone you know. These are just suggestions that have helped me, but everyone is different. My philosophy is the pursuit of happiness and live your life.
If you would like to reach out to me with any questions, I would be happy to help. You can find me at @g_to_the_elle on IG.
